Zombie Apocalypse, Lolita style

So what if today, right at this very moment, there were a Zombie Apocalypse.. 

"Oh no! But I'm expecting my AP Strawberry Parlour OP today, heaven forbid it's already been delayed because of customs! *pouts* Now I have to cancel the tea party lunch meetup that's already on it's third rain check. And I was really looking forward to sharing my new Sweet Sakura tea print Jumper."

Luckily for you, this is only a fantasy scenario. One in which you could prepare for in wake of the inevitable. Hopefully you'll be able to 'Gear Up' before such things become a reality..

<3~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<3~<3~<3~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<3

Your first concern would be to protect yourself from gnarly zombie bites, Duct tape is the preferred choice as the first layer of covering the arms, fingers and neck (OK, I know they aren't vampires, but I can't take any chances!)

Now that you've got that first layer on, cover up in some denim. Denim has been proven, since 1873, to be a durable, punishment-withstanding fabric. Hemp is also proven to be quite durable. So if you can find yourself some hemp-fiber denim, you're good to go!

 

Let's now protect your lil' digits with sports rider gloves. Made in a thick leather for extreme abrasion and tactile feel. There's also a carbon-fiber knuckle protector (that can double as a weapon when you've lost yours), foam panels at the finger ad side of the wrist for maximum comfort, and a finger bridge to protect the pinky from getting into a jammed situation.

<3~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<3~<3~<3~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<3

Now to go on to weaponry:

If you're gonna go out, go out big! Right?? Or at least in a sadistic manner.. For those moments you're especially seething with Undead hate, Grind into some skulls with this Hello Kitty brand (is this legal?!) chainsaw!

Although a chainsaw can be messy, and you'll have to get "all up in 'dem guts" in order to rip a Zomb apart, a pistol or riffle will get the job done from a safe distance. I prefer the pump action shotgun myself.. ;)

But if you're an avid watcher of Zombie movies, then you've studied their characteristics closely and know that loud noises attracts them. So for the stealthy approach, why not find a nice wig-splitting Machete or Tomahawk, and go all Comanche and shit! (Sorry, that was probably racist..)

<3~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<3~<3~<3~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<3

Survival Basics:

The first thing you'll need to lock down is clean water. If you were at home, your first action would be to fill the tub up with water. Since the city will most likely shut down, there's no telling how much longer clean water will run through the pipes. But let's be honest, shit's probably gonna get real while you're at the office...so I hope you have a canteen on hand.

Next, ram-sack the office's kitchen. Grab anything and everything that will have a long shelf life. Cereal, Ramen, Granola bars, breads, fruit with a protective skin, hell even Ketchup and Jelly packets (don't scrunch your nose, you know you've have a ketchup sandwich before. Also packets of salt and pepper. because if you're gonna have to camp like The Land Before Time, I'm just saying, pack some salt for the sanity of your taste buds!).. But try to be discreet about it. If you're in the office during regular hours while the Zombie apocalypse happens, then your co-workers will be too busy calling their loved ones with noses glued to CNN on their computer screens. So casually trot on over and fill your sack with goodies. Because after all, there's no telling where you'll be headed in the next few moments, and for how long you'll be traveling.

Toilet paper. Yes, I know this isn't actually part of survival, but your bum will thank you. ;) And if you can score some moist towelettes, you're in business!

Ooohh, fiiiire.
Okay, so at this point in your employment, you've spotted the 15min breakers on numerous occasions huddled outside the emergency exit on a 12 degree day. Those are your hardcore smokers that will have more than one form of fire on their person. Lighter, matches, blow torch...whatever it is, it's probably located in the top desk drawer.

<3~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<3~<3~<3~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<3



Community