Day 227, Glimmer of hope? A bit of R&R after a tough couple of months..

So in wake of all the hardwork and ambition i've had over the past several weeks, i got a much needed break & actually had a couple of dollars to hop on the train for some free window shopping today.. Well, the flea market in Williamsburg didnt have windows, but it felt great to just get out of the house and enjoy the sun for a moment.. A friend and I accicentally found a really cute boutique called About Glamour and they have the cutest japanese stationary, vivianne westwood socks, cool accessories, and some vintage inspired clothing. We found out about the shop bc we were acutally headed for the Sakura Art Exhibition (7/31 - 8/27/2009).. The gallery is located at the back of the store (in a seperate room) so that it doesnt take away from the shopping in the front. Apparently, the Sakura show is only one of many group theme exhibitions in which you mark which piece is your favorite. The winning artist is then granted the opportunity to have their own solo show. How awesome is that?!?! SO yeah, i needed to be a part of that! :)

Then we came across a really cool tee company selling at the Williamsburg flea market Artists & Fleas. The tee company is GNOME enterprises and i bought 2 magents from them, the one with 2 bunnies, and an MJ magnet..(see pics to the left!) i wanted the MJ as a brooche but it wasnt available.. :( what can you do? But it was the setup that really brought be into their space.. someone very meticulously made a large (maybe 15 ft) tree out of felt, and cleverly made him a face that had the characteristics of Domokun.. it was adorable! So adorable, in fact, that my friend had the sudden urge to share a hug with the artist! He seemed to enjoy it..haha! So if you're ever around the way & feel like picking up any of these cute things, head on over to Artist & Fleas (129 N6, btwn Bedford & Berry).. GNOME is usually only there Sat & Sundays..



Let's recap. A casual stroll in Williamsburg, super sunny day, some cool ish at a flea market, found a new japanese inport shop, AND had a pinapple mojoto (forgot to mention that!) Oh yes.. this is what started off my day right! My friend had already purchased some sort of Pinapple chiller cocktail.. so the waiter asked if i wanted pineapple rum in my mojito. well why not? It turned out absolutely delish!












It's amazing what 5 bucks will bring you in Brooklyn..

n_n ~<3

Day 220, Thanks For Trying (wah waaahhh..)

So I've dedicated my entire weekend to updating my resume, working on a few portfoilio items, and filling out numerous job applications..then coupling that with The Sims all-nighter episodes multiplied by no sleep and tiny meals...... Not having a job is really getting to me.. :(

With the recent onsight of my pup needing emergency surgery, then the bills causing me to be late on my rent.. the months of June and July have been especially rough on the measly unemplyment check i've been recieving since my layoff in December. There have been so many things going on this summer.. Birthday parties, going away parties, picnics, beach trips, concerts...even FREE events i've had to miss bc i cant afford a train ticket (for those of us NYers w/o a car or a liscense, you feel me?).. I mean, even the simplest things like Shampoo, and a loaf of bread (for crying out loud!) have been hard to come by.. But now that i'm all paid up with rent, and a couple new roomies that would allow rent to drop about $100 bucks, has shown me the light! Well, to relieve that little crunch of stress, hopefully one of these jobs will come through with at least an interview..


For the past couple months i havent been motivated to do anything, job
search wise, bc i've just been so fustrated. I've been even contemplating relocation, if it just meant I'd be able to afford a proper amount of groceries.. Instead of getting, "Bread, milk, eggs....." Counts change, "How much do you charge for half a dozen?" Its been rediculous these days.. and i've totally taken the ablility to order food delivery for granted. There have been so many nights where i'd have horrible cravings for Domino's hot wings and shrimp tacos with tomato, lime and cilantro.. oh man! Haha.. maybe this is my system weening itself from the addiction of fast food.. Well, the tacos would be kinda healthy if the shells werent deep fried...and if the tortillas were made of corn, not flour :P But thats besides the point. I guess I'm just so used to living this simple life, where i could afford a train ticket bc there's actually money in my account (in the 'to drink & party or whatever" category).. but thats my thing. I like to hang out with my friends and eat and drink with them.."To drink and be merry", i live for this! But I cant believe that I have to budget weather it would last longer to get a 5 lb bag of potatos or a 10 lb bag of rice..

Condements have been very important component to the home menu these days.. a little hot sauce on a scrambled egg and bowl of rice works wonders for the tastebuds. makes you believe your meal actually has depth..hah. But that makes me question the cost of living.. Common sense would tell you if your economy is down, you're going to have to lower the price of your good. But there's now talks of an inflation? Really?? I mean, really. Its insanity.

Ehh, this is SO NOT working out.. I'll even teach English in Japan for crying out loud! But this is beyond realizing theres no jobs, but maybe jobs will open in a few weeks. This is the unemployment rate is on a steady rise and NY's unemployment offices have extended the payouts twice in one year, and i'm still hearing of being laid off in large numbers. Hell, 2 weeks ago a friend (and brief co-worker) told me the department that i was working for was completely shut down. Not a couple more layoffs, but the whole. fucking. department. What am i supposed to do with that? How am i supposed to process this??

::calm down::

Anyway, that's where I'm at right now..

Day 56, Let's leave behind some green-eyed look-a-likes..

I'm sure I wrote a post before now, but somehow it has disappeared! :(

Well, its week 7 of being Laid-Off & I'm sad to say nothing much has happend since then, I had a slew of ideas & projects I wanted to work on, but somehow none has gotten done. I never got the wood for my loft, I never picked up the canvases for painting, I havent even plotted outwhat I wanted to paint yet! I havent really worked on music that much.. But I started my new portfolio, only to draw 1 outfit & not finish the rest. Why in the hell has laziness gotten me so! :(

Been reading a bunch on Past Life Regression hypnotherapy.. might give it a whirl, but it seems I will be flirting w/ danger.. Hmm, fear mostly, but I want to train myself to not be afraid of anything. I'm already an adventurer.. it would be awesome to not be a scardy cat adventurer, but you cant choose all your ticks.. Also because I have a Christian background, we are taught to belive that you live once then go to heaven or hell, depending on your time spent on Earth. But if past lives are possible, is that what is called "everlasting life"? I'm aftraid to go under the PLR hypnosis bc how will I know what's truth & what's suggestion? Our minds are very powerful tools, but how powerful exactly?? If we're usually only using 10% of our brains, would using 100% result in telekinesis? Would we be able to connect w/ the spirit world more easily? & if we are able to do this at some point or the other, how is it possible that we can control when we cross over? So much is being researched on this, but the church is steadfast on dimissing the issue w/o a look into it. I mean,do they think we cant handle it w/o proper instruction, or is that why they dont bother to admit such power? Or is it all a bunch of trickery to draw you futher out from the surf? If this is so, then why not tell us?? Why not tell us what it is instead of deny the possibility???

This is what makes a rebelious heart. Not allowing understanding, but shielding completely. It forces us to test the hot stove. Why isnt rebellious behaviour rewarded in this sense. Because it seams to me that if you are looking to learn lessons on your own, then applaud the forward thinker.. right? So many ppl that appiphanied fantastical ideas were ridiculed & negatively tagged "Witch" or "Sorcerer" or letting yourself be overcome by "Evil".. How do we know this for sure? How does anyone who's never experienced such things possibly know what it contains? Hmm.. I guess I'll sleep on it another night..

The only reason why I'm so passionate about it, I think, is because I seem to have been able to meditate & hypnotize myself w/o knowing. There are a few things I do to relax myself.. Usually I'm sitting super comfortable, usually lounging, & I put a song on repeat that has a slow, soothing, repetitive bass line (yeah the Bass works loads better for me that any of those "relaxation" CDs), then I vision up some swirling colors that correspond to the music.. Then before I even know it, I'm droned, feeling rather "far out" & excellent.

In one instance, I was cleaning my room on what I thought was a perfect day: About 85 degrees w/ a slight breeze. With the window wide open, the golden suns rays lapped my skin & over the whole room (Golden is important. the rays werent to bright as to hurt the eyes, as on those super bright days), and the clouds were perfectly puffed clusters dotting the liquid sky.. I sat up on my bed w/ my knees drawn up a bit & a pillow behind my back.. With the bass in my ears & the sun warming every surface, my mind naturally drifted into its own plane...bringin my body with it. & from this a man came; Faceless with golden skin. He sat down next to me, uncertain for a moment.. then an embrace. An embrace for all the senses. An overwhelming mellancholic love. Humming with electricity and a forbiddenly intense empathy. A love most agonizingly felt for illicit hearts.. Then as mystical as he had appeared, the pain starts. It felt as if a curious elbow has been placed between two ribs on my right side. Even the pain in the beginning was extacy.. but it became more piercing, more concentrated. Perhaps bc the feelings were not accessible to him and the curiosity consumed him on every level.

I silently begged him to stop this.. he felt my resist & pressed on. At that point it seems I was more a curious toy than an explored experience. But he let up and the trance was easily lifted. Once I came back I felt no pain, I didnt even have feelings of fear or disappointment.. Only feeling as weightless as a Sprite..

So if I were able, on my own accord, blend the lines of the earth plane & spirit plane...then why not PLR be truth? I can not tell you how many times I've caught a glimps or heard what was not there. Many times have been that moment between awake & sleep. Just before sleep & just before you wake up. I have had numorous occations where some is trying to get my attention. Calling my name or revealing only their presence in a room. I know this world exists, but why are we seperate? Why must we stay seperated? I'm sure there is a reason.. probably something along the lines of the power limits is a major issue. For whatever reason, a spirit has an unwavering amount of power.. but fleshies limit themselves. Combined by restricting religions and disciplined education, we are trained to do not what you feel, but what you are told. This is a very hard habit to break. Esp when its ground into our soul from birth, it makes limits on the brain, i think..

Could this be why I'm having difficulty learning languages or high school math?? Has my mind been binded so much that I'm deathly afraid of making a mistake, so better not try at all? Its a blockage that I hope I can fix with the hypnotherapy that my adventurous spirit needs..
Alrighty, I feel I've spewed enough nonsense onto the web at this point.. ;)

Until Next time..
n_n

Day 7, Still distracted & hurt

It has been 7 days since the day (December 3, 2008), since the rug has been swept from under me. Due to the tumultuous economy and work woes as of late, I am using the month of December to get back on track, and to help others that may need an extra leg to stand on. Eventhough I am currently jobless with dwindling funds, I think its important to support the people around you. This way, they will supposrt the people around them, then pretty soon the weighing economy wont seem so bad. I believe if everyone just gives a hand to 1 person besides themselves, we will have a tighter knit community & a support group like nothing you've ever seen.
I was talking with a friend maybe a year & some odd months ago, & he was telling me that the perception of American people have been rather cold. Or maybe "cold" is the wrong word. He described it more like we were a shell of a person.. hollow. Like they'll meet the shell friend in hopes of soon connecting with the inner friend, only to be disappointed. From experience I understand what he says. I, for one, do not open my heart & soul to friend until i am completely sure they are not a double crosser. Kinda grim when you think about it right? Us as Americans tend to keep ourselves guarded, as to not fall victim to the theif of lies. But from an American's point of view (my own), I have many experiences where I'll meet a new friend & we seem to hit it off perfectly! Then a few keeys or few short months later, they turn their back on you for no reason...without explaination..nothing! I have tried to come to the conclution that this means i have offended them & they wont tell me that bc they dont like confrontation, but instead will just pretend i never existed. How Rude! :( ANyhoo, the point of me bringing this up is bc we as a ppl need to understand that we all need each other to survive. If everyone would stop being selfish for a long enough moment to split your bread in half & give it to a friend, we would develop a living place as tight as the Dickens!!!
So I have a plan to use up this December month as follows:

1. Paint to my hearts desire! Its been a while since I've been able to sit down w/ my oils and a freshly made frame & muslin. Maybe I'll start w/ portraits first? I'm sure the ppl around here wont mind the free gift..
2. Work on installation artwork (sculptures, vinyl wall stickers, mobiles, etc..) I really want to find out how I can work holographic images into the mix. NO, not holography, where you use layers of LED paper to make a picture look 3D, but actual moving holographic video. Alexander McQueen & Deisel made their own for the fashion world last year. Now its the end of this year & no sign of such things in the entertainment industry just yet. If anyone were to use it on their next tour, it would have to be Nine Inch Nails! Or at least that's who I'd want it to be.. But how much does this thing cost? & can I get a sponsor? & what programs can I use??? I WANT TO GET STARTED RIGHT AWAY!!!

3. Perfect portfolio and/or sew samples for portfolio. Concentrate on my own line. Not that there's much to concentrate on just yet, but I would at least like to hone in on the direction that I think it should go.. I need to develop the identity of my customer, then design the shit out of her.. but I need a muse..

4. Purchase laptop so that i can apply design applications as well as music applications for Freelance work. There's just gotta be a cheaper/easier way to get a mac for this...but i may have to settle down for a PC...according to my dad.. :(

Eh, so i guess I better get off of here & hop to it!
n_n