Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Day 56, Let's leave behind some green-eyed look-a-likes..

I'm sure I wrote a post before now, but somehow it has disappeared! :(

Well, its week 7 of being Laid-Off & I'm sad to say nothing much has happend since then, I had a slew of ideas & projects I wanted to work on, but somehow none has gotten done. I never got the wood for my loft, I never picked up the canvases for painting, I havent even plotted outwhat I wanted to paint yet! I havent really worked on music that much.. But I started my new portfolio, only to draw 1 outfit & not finish the rest. Why in the hell has laziness gotten me so! :(

Been reading a bunch on Past Life Regression hypnotherapy.. might give it a whirl, but it seems I will be flirting w/ danger.. Hmm, fear mostly, but I want to train myself to not be afraid of anything. I'm already an adventurer.. it would be awesome to not be a scardy cat adventurer, but you cant choose all your ticks.. Also because I have a Christian background, we are taught to belive that you live once then go to heaven or hell, depending on your time spent on Earth. But if past lives are possible, is that what is called "everlasting life"? I'm aftraid to go under the PLR hypnosis bc how will I know what's truth & what's suggestion? Our minds are very powerful tools, but how powerful exactly?? If we're usually only using 10% of our brains, would using 100% result in telekinesis? Would we be able to connect w/ the spirit world more easily? & if we are able to do this at some point or the other, how is it possible that we can control when we cross over? So much is being researched on this, but the church is steadfast on dimissing the issue w/o a look into it. I mean,do they think we cant handle it w/o proper instruction, or is that why they dont bother to admit such power? Or is it all a bunch of trickery to draw you futher out from the surf? If this is so, then why not tell us?? Why not tell us what it is instead of deny the possibility???

This is what makes a rebelious heart. Not allowing understanding, but shielding completely. It forces us to test the hot stove. Why isnt rebellious behaviour rewarded in this sense. Because it seams to me that if you are looking to learn lessons on your own, then applaud the forward thinker.. right? So many ppl that appiphanied fantastical ideas were ridiculed & negatively tagged "Witch" or "Sorcerer" or letting yourself be overcome by "Evil".. How do we know this for sure? How does anyone who's never experienced such things possibly know what it contains? Hmm.. I guess I'll sleep on it another night..

The only reason why I'm so passionate about it, I think, is because I seem to have been able to meditate & hypnotize myself w/o knowing. There are a few things I do to relax myself.. Usually I'm sitting super comfortable, usually lounging, & I put a song on repeat that has a slow, soothing, repetitive bass line (yeah the Bass works loads better for me that any of those "relaxation" CDs), then I vision up some swirling colors that correspond to the music.. Then before I even know it, I'm droned, feeling rather "far out" & excellent.

In one instance, I was cleaning my room on what I thought was a perfect day: About 85 degrees w/ a slight breeze. With the window wide open, the golden suns rays lapped my skin & over the whole room (Golden is important. the rays werent to bright as to hurt the eyes, as on those super bright days), and the clouds were perfectly puffed clusters dotting the liquid sky.. I sat up on my bed w/ my knees drawn up a bit & a pillow behind my back.. With the bass in my ears & the sun warming every surface, my mind naturally drifted into its own plane...bringin my body with it. & from this a man came; Faceless with golden skin. He sat down next to me, uncertain for a moment.. then an embrace. An embrace for all the senses. An overwhelming mellancholic love. Humming with electricity and a forbiddenly intense empathy. A love most agonizingly felt for illicit hearts.. Then as mystical as he had appeared, the pain starts. It felt as if a curious elbow has been placed between two ribs on my right side. Even the pain in the beginning was extacy.. but it became more piercing, more concentrated. Perhaps bc the feelings were not accessible to him and the curiosity consumed him on every level.

I silently begged him to stop this.. he felt my resist & pressed on. At that point it seems I was more a curious toy than an explored experience. But he let up and the trance was easily lifted. Once I came back I felt no pain, I didnt even have feelings of fear or disappointment.. Only feeling as weightless as a Sprite..

So if I were able, on my own accord, blend the lines of the earth plane & spirit plane...then why not PLR be truth? I can not tell you how many times I've caught a glimps or heard what was not there. Many times have been that moment between awake & sleep. Just before sleep & just before you wake up. I have had numorous occations where some is trying to get my attention. Calling my name or revealing only their presence in a room. I know this world exists, but why are we seperate? Why must we stay seperated? I'm sure there is a reason.. probably something along the lines of the power limits is a major issue. For whatever reason, a spirit has an unwavering amount of power.. but fleshies limit themselves. Combined by restricting religions and disciplined education, we are trained to do not what you feel, but what you are told. This is a very hard habit to break. Esp when its ground into our soul from birth, it makes limits on the brain, i think..

Could this be why I'm having difficulty learning languages or high school math?? Has my mind been binded so much that I'm deathly afraid of making a mistake, so better not try at all? Its a blockage that I hope I can fix with the hypnotherapy that my adventurous spirit needs..
Alrighty, I feel I've spewed enough nonsense onto the web at this point.. ;)

Until Next time..
n_n

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