Day 297, Lady Gaga ~ Costumes de Théâtre

I've been a partial fan of Lady Gaga since she began making a big hooplah around last summer. I mean, I do like some of her songs, but i never liked them enough to research who she was, what her music was about, etc etc etc... I just thought that she was your run of the mill pop star who made a lucky break w/ some awesome producer.. BOY! Was I wrong! o_O;; Not only until I saw her performance on MTV's VMA awards.. even before that..once I saw her costumes I was hooked instantly. And now she has become my new obsession..amongst other things.. :D

Just the sheer boldness of wearing the design she chose for the show.. the outrageous face covers.. the unnerving theatrical performance of the cream outfit dripping with blood.. It was great! It was as if Marie-Antoinette, the Phantom (of the Opera), and (Rock Me) Amadeus were all rolled into one wonderful, gaudy character! And I want more of it! It would be an absolute dream to design costumes for Lady Gaga, or at least have her wear some of the things I've created. To be able to have her as a spokesperson for my line would be beyond awesome (is there a better word than this???) Perhaps "Magnificent" is a better word to descripbe this feeling.. Yes, simply magnificent!

But I'm definately getting beside myself.. *sigh* Oh, to live the dream.. But its the constant chase of the dream that's the exciting part. Just like the game of dating.. You meet someone new and are intrigued, then that turns into a slight obsession, then you cant get them out of your head. Endless thoughts of interactions and scenarios rumble through.. And you cant help it because you are in, for lack of a better word, in LOVE! And it will crush you, no matter how much you try to succeed at it. If you allow it, your soul will be torn to bits bc of this love. But as all love/hate relationships go, it will pick you up off the ground. Even at the lowest point it will be there.. and hopefully the love will be strong enough to mend the broken, misunderstood pieces, and then the success will believe you are ready to take it on.

At least that's what 'following a dream' means in my head. But maybe I'm waaay too romantic to see the realities of what it means to be successful in America right now, but I know what it means to be successful to myself. That's enough, i think, for anyone to benefit in this life. I mean, there's not much left for ppl to gain here on our planet anymore. Our natural resources are quickly being deminished, humans are polluting and poisoning the oceans and the only air we have to breathe. And then there's the issue of the garbage. The metal and the rubber and the plastics that can not decompose. They've been disposed of in such a way that will outlast any organic life it serves. And it...i mean we, the humans...are slowly extinguishing our own lives without so much as a blink of accountability.

But alas, I've gotten very far off of the subject. I've gotten much too overwhelmed with the thought and this has made me lazy now... gahh..

So I'm going to leave you with this little tidbit of colourful silliness..


~<3

Day 267, Qu'avez-vous dit??

So I was going to start talking about how the Brooklyn Hipsters are kinda slowly turning into DIrty Hippies.. but it hasnt occured to me until now that I havent yet properly explained what my company is all about. I mean, I've mentioned it quite a few times previously, but never went into depth of how it started and the ideals behind it, etc..

Back sometime around about 100-125 days of unemployment, I got the crazy idea that if I'm going to make my own company happen, then I've got to do what I'm completly obsessed with. And what is this thing? Japan.. I remember a friend of mine asking me once, "If you were to have an online store, what would you have in it?" Well it didnt really take me 2 seconds to answer him. I immediately said, "Definately a japanese import shop. And not the kind that sells 'Oriental' furniture or some Kitana display, but cute stuff that ppl (Americans) love to collect. Things that remind you of your awesome vacation in Japan.." Items like a Jelly drink from the vending machine outside your hostel in Shinjuku, the Twin Stars rhinestone kit you spied on a local's cell phone in Shibuya, the Lolita dress worn by a salery woman at Harajuku train station, who tries to hide her identity bc it could ruin her reputation at work. This would be my dream..

But I hadnt realized this yet, in the beginning stages. All I knew was I had this obsession with japanese street styles and the idea of that rebel mentality. It amazes me that there are designers and shopkeepers that are from these groups of rebel cosplayers, then brought their idea of fashion into fruition. Made it readily available for that group of ppl and was successful!


There's Lolita, Ganguro, Decora, Visual Kei, Kadona, etc etc etc.. I've since narrowed my category of style down to Lolita or EGL (Elegant Gothic Lolita). I want to ultimately make my own dress, skirt and blouse patterns, and accessories as well. But since I havent been able to purchase any of the needed materials, I have taken a turn to t-shirt production sites. Where I can supply the design for the tee & sell it for however much i want, with no physical materials needed on my end. Then after I'm able to make a little bit of money from that, then I can start on the 'handmade' portion of the company. But for now, I've just got 1 tee and a cellphone/bberry decoration kit up.. And as soon as the programs come through (& laptop), then I'll be able to put up the other tee designs. Oh, i just want to get started already! But patience is a virture!


The company name is Pammy Cakes. It was derived from a nickname my fashion friend gave me and my love of the Sofia Coppola movie Marie-Antoinette. That's really where the spark began. Here's this young girl, having to participate in an arranged marriage, move into a country in which she's not familiar..then having the whole world open up to her. When the king dies suddenly, her prince becomes her king, and she become's queen of the country.. the weigh of the whole government is put on her & her king's shoulders.. They're just a couple of kids, wanting to just live! She didnt mean to be rediculously decadent, but what would you do in that situation? You'd live it up as well! Anyway.. to combine that degree of decadence into fashion right now, combined with the modern lines of Japanese street culture & candy colors.. this is what i wanted to create for my customer.. Eh, its a bit complicated how i'm thinking of it now.. but it makes sense when i'm designing the graphics and chosing which icons would be best for the company. Its a work in prgress, yes i know this. But it's definately well on its way to becoming the next best thing. I guarantee it!

~<3

Day 255, Pammy Cakes and Computer Meltdowns

Oh computer faerie, how many times issues have i had w/ my PC in the past... please grant me something that will last longer than a couple of years :P

So the current situation with my online business has taken a turn for the even worser.. I already havent had any cash flow going into my projects, and my camera has been frozen w/ the shutter open bc of battery failure. Now, the virus on my PC has led me to use a malware, which deleted some drivers, so now that its back up & running.. everything on the Hard Drive has been wiped clean (all my graphic projects, completed & in limbo, and music files from fruity loops) so i have to start anew.. Yes, its been the first time i've cried in quite some time..but i'm now looking forward to newer, better things...greater ideas! Its kind of metaphoric to the way my life is going right now.. if there were a fire, would i be completely crushed? Then relieved to start fresh?

So i've got a plan to purchase a cheap laptop with an external hard drive. It should cost me between $200-$500 depending on how good a deal i can get from my fellow friends and/or neighbors, or both. I feel like even if i get another virus meltdown, i will only lose programs (which can be reinstalled), but no actual files, which will be stored on the external HD.. if i can at least provide this sort of security for myself, i'll be able to rest easy.. ;) Its an investment i'm ready to commit to, its an investment i have no choice to commit to at this point.. (must i always wait until something horrid happens until i actually provide adequit support for my company?) Better this happening now, than say, a year from now, when more important (or more expensive) projects could have been destroyed..

Cant wait until i can get my Illustrator & photoshop programs back up & running.. Have to shop around for the Illustrator, but just need a reg key for the photoshop.. all in due time tho.. Currently, i've been working my wrist raw (a good feeling 'raw' of achievment) sketching by hand & actually making use of the big tupperware box of old art supplies.. i have to admit, i've had that stuff for 4 yrs & havent broke it out until this week! So yes, the loss of the data has opened up many more opportunities in my forgotten physical life! I have gotten so used to sketching on the computer, swaping & storing, yet losing my god-given ability to the paper & pen (yes, i never sketch in pencil.. too much smudging - its the only thing in my life i can commit to, ack!).. but its keeping me sane & focused on the future.

Soon when i'm able to get eveything up & running for the online world, I'll post up some of the ideas i've been having..

Until then......

n_n ~<3

Day 227, Glimmer of hope? A bit of R&R after a tough couple of months..

So in wake of all the hardwork and ambition i've had over the past several weeks, i got a much needed break & actually had a couple of dollars to hop on the train for some free window shopping today.. Well, the flea market in Williamsburg didnt have windows, but it felt great to just get out of the house and enjoy the sun for a moment.. A friend and I accicentally found a really cute boutique called About Glamour and they have the cutest japanese stationary, vivianne westwood socks, cool accessories, and some vintage inspired clothing. We found out about the shop bc we were acutally headed for the Sakura Art Exhibition (7/31 - 8/27/2009).. The gallery is located at the back of the store (in a seperate room) so that it doesnt take away from the shopping in the front. Apparently, the Sakura show is only one of many group theme exhibitions in which you mark which piece is your favorite. The winning artist is then granted the opportunity to have their own solo show. How awesome is that?!?! SO yeah, i needed to be a part of that! :)

Then we came across a really cool tee company selling at the Williamsburg flea market Artists & Fleas. The tee company is GNOME enterprises and i bought 2 magents from them, the one with 2 bunnies, and an MJ magnet..(see pics to the left!) i wanted the MJ as a brooche but it wasnt available.. :( what can you do? But it was the setup that really brought be into their space.. someone very meticulously made a large (maybe 15 ft) tree out of felt, and cleverly made him a face that had the characteristics of Domokun.. it was adorable! So adorable, in fact, that my friend had the sudden urge to share a hug with the artist! He seemed to enjoy it..haha! So if you're ever around the way & feel like picking up any of these cute things, head on over to Artist & Fleas (129 N6, btwn Bedford & Berry).. GNOME is usually only there Sat & Sundays..



Let's recap. A casual stroll in Williamsburg, super sunny day, some cool ish at a flea market, found a new japanese inport shop, AND had a pinapple mojoto (forgot to mention that!) Oh yes.. this is what started off my day right! My friend had already purchased some sort of Pinapple chiller cocktail.. so the waiter asked if i wanted pineapple rum in my mojito. well why not? It turned out absolutely delish!












It's amazing what 5 bucks will bring you in Brooklyn..

n_n ~<3

Day 220, Thanks For Trying (wah waaahhh..)

So I've dedicated my entire weekend to updating my resume, working on a few portfoilio items, and filling out numerous job applications..then coupling that with The Sims all-nighter episodes multiplied by no sleep and tiny meals...... Not having a job is really getting to me.. :(

With the recent onsight of my pup needing emergency surgery, then the bills causing me to be late on my rent.. the months of June and July have been especially rough on the measly unemplyment check i've been recieving since my layoff in December. There have been so many things going on this summer.. Birthday parties, going away parties, picnics, beach trips, concerts...even FREE events i've had to miss bc i cant afford a train ticket (for those of us NYers w/o a car or a liscense, you feel me?).. I mean, even the simplest things like Shampoo, and a loaf of bread (for crying out loud!) have been hard to come by.. But now that i'm all paid up with rent, and a couple new roomies that would allow rent to drop about $100 bucks, has shown me the light! Well, to relieve that little crunch of stress, hopefully one of these jobs will come through with at least an interview..


For the past couple months i havent been motivated to do anything, job
search wise, bc i've just been so fustrated. I've been even contemplating relocation, if it just meant I'd be able to afford a proper amount of groceries.. Instead of getting, "Bread, milk, eggs....." Counts change, "How much do you charge for half a dozen?" Its been rediculous these days.. and i've totally taken the ablility to order food delivery for granted. There have been so many nights where i'd have horrible cravings for Domino's hot wings and shrimp tacos with tomato, lime and cilantro.. oh man! Haha.. maybe this is my system weening itself from the addiction of fast food.. Well, the tacos would be kinda healthy if the shells werent deep fried...and if the tortillas were made of corn, not flour :P But thats besides the point. I guess I'm just so used to living this simple life, where i could afford a train ticket bc there's actually money in my account (in the 'to drink & party or whatever" category).. but thats my thing. I like to hang out with my friends and eat and drink with them.."To drink and be merry", i live for this! But I cant believe that I have to budget weather it would last longer to get a 5 lb bag of potatos or a 10 lb bag of rice..

Condements have been very important component to the home menu these days.. a little hot sauce on a scrambled egg and bowl of rice works wonders for the tastebuds. makes you believe your meal actually has depth..hah. But that makes me question the cost of living.. Common sense would tell you if your economy is down, you're going to have to lower the price of your good. But there's now talks of an inflation? Really?? I mean, really. Its insanity.

Ehh, this is SO NOT working out.. I'll even teach English in Japan for crying out loud! But this is beyond realizing theres no jobs, but maybe jobs will open in a few weeks. This is the unemployment rate is on a steady rise and NY's unemployment offices have extended the payouts twice in one year, and i'm still hearing of being laid off in large numbers. Hell, 2 weeks ago a friend (and brief co-worker) told me the department that i was working for was completely shut down. Not a couple more layoffs, but the whole. fucking. department. What am i supposed to do with that? How am i supposed to process this??

::calm down::

Anyway, that's where I'm at right now..

Day 56, Let's leave behind some green-eyed look-a-likes..

I'm sure I wrote a post before now, but somehow it has disappeared! :(

Well, its week 7 of being Laid-Off & I'm sad to say nothing much has happend since then, I had a slew of ideas & projects I wanted to work on, but somehow none has gotten done. I never got the wood for my loft, I never picked up the canvases for painting, I havent even plotted outwhat I wanted to paint yet! I havent really worked on music that much.. But I started my new portfolio, only to draw 1 outfit & not finish the rest. Why in the hell has laziness gotten me so! :(

Been reading a bunch on Past Life Regression hypnotherapy.. might give it a whirl, but it seems I will be flirting w/ danger.. Hmm, fear mostly, but I want to train myself to not be afraid of anything. I'm already an adventurer.. it would be awesome to not be a scardy cat adventurer, but you cant choose all your ticks.. Also because I have a Christian background, we are taught to belive that you live once then go to heaven or hell, depending on your time spent on Earth. But if past lives are possible, is that what is called "everlasting life"? I'm aftraid to go under the PLR hypnosis bc how will I know what's truth & what's suggestion? Our minds are very powerful tools, but how powerful exactly?? If we're usually only using 10% of our brains, would using 100% result in telekinesis? Would we be able to connect w/ the spirit world more easily? & if we are able to do this at some point or the other, how is it possible that we can control when we cross over? So much is being researched on this, but the church is steadfast on dimissing the issue w/o a look into it. I mean,do they think we cant handle it w/o proper instruction, or is that why they dont bother to admit such power? Or is it all a bunch of trickery to draw you futher out from the surf? If this is so, then why not tell us?? Why not tell us what it is instead of deny the possibility???

This is what makes a rebelious heart. Not allowing understanding, but shielding completely. It forces us to test the hot stove. Why isnt rebellious behaviour rewarded in this sense. Because it seams to me that if you are looking to learn lessons on your own, then applaud the forward thinker.. right? So many ppl that appiphanied fantastical ideas were ridiculed & negatively tagged "Witch" or "Sorcerer" or letting yourself be overcome by "Evil".. How do we know this for sure? How does anyone who's never experienced such things possibly know what it contains? Hmm.. I guess I'll sleep on it another night..

The only reason why I'm so passionate about it, I think, is because I seem to have been able to meditate & hypnotize myself w/o knowing. There are a few things I do to relax myself.. Usually I'm sitting super comfortable, usually lounging, & I put a song on repeat that has a slow, soothing, repetitive bass line (yeah the Bass works loads better for me that any of those "relaxation" CDs), then I vision up some swirling colors that correspond to the music.. Then before I even know it, I'm droned, feeling rather "far out" & excellent.

In one instance, I was cleaning my room on what I thought was a perfect day: About 85 degrees w/ a slight breeze. With the window wide open, the golden suns rays lapped my skin & over the whole room (Golden is important. the rays werent to bright as to hurt the eyes, as on those super bright days), and the clouds were perfectly puffed clusters dotting the liquid sky.. I sat up on my bed w/ my knees drawn up a bit & a pillow behind my back.. With the bass in my ears & the sun warming every surface, my mind naturally drifted into its own plane...bringin my body with it. & from this a man came; Faceless with golden skin. He sat down next to me, uncertain for a moment.. then an embrace. An embrace for all the senses. An overwhelming mellancholic love. Humming with electricity and a forbiddenly intense empathy. A love most agonizingly felt for illicit hearts.. Then as mystical as he had appeared, the pain starts. It felt as if a curious elbow has been placed between two ribs on my right side. Even the pain in the beginning was extacy.. but it became more piercing, more concentrated. Perhaps bc the feelings were not accessible to him and the curiosity consumed him on every level.

I silently begged him to stop this.. he felt my resist & pressed on. At that point it seems I was more a curious toy than an explored experience. But he let up and the trance was easily lifted. Once I came back I felt no pain, I didnt even have feelings of fear or disappointment.. Only feeling as weightless as a Sprite..

So if I were able, on my own accord, blend the lines of the earth plane & spirit plane...then why not PLR be truth? I can not tell you how many times I've caught a glimps or heard what was not there. Many times have been that moment between awake & sleep. Just before sleep & just before you wake up. I have had numorous occations where some is trying to get my attention. Calling my name or revealing only their presence in a room. I know this world exists, but why are we seperate? Why must we stay seperated? I'm sure there is a reason.. probably something along the lines of the power limits is a major issue. For whatever reason, a spirit has an unwavering amount of power.. but fleshies limit themselves. Combined by restricting religions and disciplined education, we are trained to do not what you feel, but what you are told. This is a very hard habit to break. Esp when its ground into our soul from birth, it makes limits on the brain, i think..

Could this be why I'm having difficulty learning languages or high school math?? Has my mind been binded so much that I'm deathly afraid of making a mistake, so better not try at all? Its a blockage that I hope I can fix with the hypnotherapy that my adventurous spirit needs..
Alrighty, I feel I've spewed enough nonsense onto the web at this point.. ;)

Until Next time..
n_n